Great Expectations

The thing with being 30something is that you more or less know how to manage expectations. When someone blows you off, you take it in stride. Instead of attributing it to the million and one reasons that are running through your head, most of them having to do with shades of rejection and being replaced like an old shoe with a brand new model, you take a deep breath and tell yourself that it's no biggie.

We were supposed to go out today. I got ready and dolled up for him but he didn't turn up. No message, no nothing. Of course, it makes me feel like shit not to mention my loss of face with the folks in the household since they were very much aware that I was preparing to meet up with him but then again, what can I do? The guy had a life before he met me. He has his own loose ends to tie up. He probably has his own romances going for him that I don't know about. That's really the critical phrase there - "that I don't know about". I do not know, hence, I cannot assume the worst or the best.

Well, that doesn't change the fact that I still feel like shit. He was supposed to go to the gym today and then we were supposed to do an erotic fuck today. Then, he just disappeared from the face of the planet.

Being 30 is like a magic balm for soothing wounds like these. You know certain things by now. Like if the guy really wanted to be there, he would. Like if had consideration and respect for your time, he would have called to cancel at the very least. I mean, I'm pretty cool now about changes in schedule. It would have made me livid before but one's got to be flexible when it comes to that. The world doesn't come to a halt just because you want to meet up with someone. And, of course, you learn how to take this in stride. You're happier now that the wait becomes shorter. If it doesn't work out, you know now to move on. You know that you'd rather see the other person happy than demand that they be with you when they'd rather be or do something else.

Me, I'm tired of waiting. That's why I'm not livid right now at how I've been taken forgranted. So, yeah, maybe I'm a bit jaded. I'm tired of jumping hoops and going on that emotional roller coaster ride to unrequited love. I've closed that chapter of my life. So if he's there, he's there. He'll be there if he wants to be there anyway.

So what happens now?