Before Dawn

5am and I've been up for an hour already. Slept early last night and woke up reminiscing a delicious fuck I've had in the able hands of FB #2. (Hmm.... I should get him a monicker.) During our last session, he fucked me while I was lying on my side. My arms were outstretched above me and his hands were intertwined with mine, pinning them down so I couldn't move around. It was just soooo hot and the feel of his cock inside me so wonderful.

That's just so dangerous when someone makes you feel THAT good. I've been thinking of him a lot now and I think i've developed a teensy, weensy crush on him. This kind of helps my situation with FB (original dude) too because it disperses the emotion. I have yet to pick to pieces why I'm so gung ho with him. My friend says it's because I cannot have him. My other friend says it's because of my competitive nature that I feel the need to win out over all his other girls. I think it's a little bit of both. He brings out the predator in me, ha ha. Especially since he gives such good chase.

This is why I think FB over here is good for me. I wish he'd get back soon. I need a diversion. More than that, I need a good hard fuck.

My Alter Ego

Finally got myself a new FB in home base. High profile guy, big, tall, single, good looking, erotic, sensual, and most of all is very skilled at doing the stuff I like done to me. To add mystery to this whole thing, he knows me by another name. He knows it isn't my real name though. He didn't give his real name at first but smart girl that I am, I figured it out. Ha ha. You should have seen the look on his face when I told him. He asked me how I found out, I told him I was a smart girl and left it at that.

Wonderful getting fucked again on a regular basis. This guy can definitely make me cum over and over again (I lost count tonight and am exhausted) and I think he even found my G-spot. He does the most amazing thing on my nipples and with his fingers and the way his cock fills me with his deep thrusting is just... ohhhhhh. He also loves snuggling and is totally engaging when it comes to pillow talk which is fine by me because I need to catch my breath after each session which leaves me trembling. He kept on commenting that I was still shaking and trembling and I think that turned him on more.

I got good reviews from him too. My nipples seem to be just the right size for sucking (which he does sooooo well... that I cum over and over just with the nipple play). He said that he loves my tight ass, that I had smooth skin, that it was sexy the way I get sooo wet and squirt when he stimulates me, that I had excellent sucking skills (that's courtesy of FB) and that my pussy is still tight as ever that he has to take care when he first penetrates me because it drives him crazy and he doesn't want to break me apart. Oh and he just loves my choice in lingerie too. (again, courtesy of FB)

This guy also has the stamina of a horse. I'm not kidding. I think this is another one of those "be careful what you wish for" cases. We're also noisy like nothing else. I'm naturally vocal when I get fucked, not really on the talking dirty side which I do but kept to a minimum, but I do moan and scream a lot and when this guy cums, he literally growls and pumps me so powerfully that I get turned on all over again. I have no idea if our "neighbors" can hear us but I'm pretty sure they would be pretty envious of all the action.

Another thing that excites me to no end is the fact that he can physically overpower me. I tend to get fidgety when I'm buying time for rest or just don't know what will happen next (he commented on that too) and the way he restrains me with his body is just soooo hot. He did something to me tonight that was just awesome. There were a couple of times I asked him to stop not because I didn't want him to do what he was doing but because I couldn't take it anymore. The only reason I left early was because I didn't know if I had the strength to drive myself home. It was an excellent fuck session. Better than any I've ever had so far.

I do want to see him again. Of course, I will have to tone down my report to FB. I haven't tasted him yet and I plan to do that one of these days. Okay, I'm downright exhausted I might fall asleep on my keyboard so I'm signing off for now.

Overall, it was an excellent fuck.

A Rose By Any Name

Throughout the years, the men I've been linked with have, at one point in time or another, attempted to describe me in three words or less. So far, I've been described as:

1. "Drama Queen"
2. "Incorrigible"
3. "Bitch"
4. "Amazing"
5. "Awfully sweet"
6. "Wonderful woman"
7. "Unbelievable"

Yada, yada, yada. I've got two new ones to add to the list courtesy of FB -- "squirelly with ADD" and "a 5 year old who's had two many cokes". Hmmm. This guy has definitely got the wrong impression of me.

Remedial measures are in order. Hmmmm.

The 5-Star BJ vs. Blue Balls

I am seriously rethinking giving out 5-star BJs before I get properly fucked. Even if I get dished out compliments about how "amazing" it was for them, the blue balls that I get when there's no follow through on my partner's part is downright frustrating.

Of course, this is pretty much FB's doing. He made darn sure that I was skilled in that area and since it takes him around an hour to cum, I've had much practice.

Still, not worth it. They've got to earn it next time.

Reprimand from Valmont

After bombarding V with another email, I finally got a rise out of him. Well, a reprimand of sorts, actually. Ha ha.

He called me capricious. He said I was impatient. And he told me to stop kissing his ass. He said that there were rules of engagement and outlined them to me. In essence, he told me that I should do my time mopping up the floor before I earn my right to sit at the table. So now, I'm on probation. I've been instructed to keep still until such time that he decides to return my correspondence.

Hmmm. Such a demanding man. Makes me all the more curious though but my purposeful and deliberate whirling around him and his reaction to it enabled me to zone in on him more. My observations:

1. Initially, I offered a position of subservience to him (e.g. mentor-mentee, teacher-student) to give clarity and set the tone of the correspondence. He dispelled this notion and said that we would be equals, sharing in each other's knowledge. And yet, he reclaims power again by assuming the stance of a strict instructor towards that of his apprentice. Which is good. Very good. I like strict. That's the only way I can be reigned in. So in a very roundabout manner, he has acquiesced to the tone that I wanted this correspondence to take. Very good.

2. He has acknowledged my capriciousness and has been quite annoyed with it. That's good, too. When you start from a position somewhere near the lowest rung of the ladder, it will be hard to disappoint. Momentum will build up in the natural progression of things. Of course, there is always the risk that he will consider it a waste of his time (and talent) and just walk away but as far as diversions are concerned, I'm prepared for that.

3. He has disclosed that since I've bombarded him with three letters, he will have to respond to all of them now. He really doesn't have to respond to any of them but that he *feels* he has to says something about him. There is a writer's vanity about him that needs to be fed. That's why he was taking so long to respond. He was actually thinking it out and when you take that much time to mull things over, it's not just the answers you want to dish out but the way you want to dish out the answers so that the "target" (me in this case) will perceive the writer the way he wants me to. Well, it's good that he wants to make an impression.

4. He said that "Patience is the first thing to be learned in seduction; Timing, the next." and he said this in reference to my bombardment of letters. I could have very well reminded him that from the beginning, I told him that our correspondence would be outside the ambit of "seductions" (of course, that too was a ploy) and now that's how he wants this to go which is really where I want to go with him. Nice.

Throughout my correspondence, I have dropped hints at how I would like to be seduced and how it would take a seducer of great skill to accomplish that. I hope that I've appealed enough to his vanity for him to take the cudgels on this one. It certainly would make things a lot more interesting.

So like a good girl, I will sit still. The wait begins.

Seductive Profile

I have received no response to letters to Valmont yet. Perhaps, I do not tickle his fancy but I suspect (which is oftentimes the case) that he is still trying to figure out what to make of me.

In the meantime, I have followed his writings. He certainly had time to compose lengthy posts in the forum and although with each writing, he reveals more and more of himself. I find that I can idealize him more when I do not know too much about him. When you order a gourmet meal, you'd like it to come to you hot, garnished and plated. That is the point of fine dining. I don't want to stand around in the kitchen watching the chefs whip it up.

Aside from that, I've been trying to figure out my seductive profile. I am a natural, first and foremost. A dandy, second, interspersed with a bit of the coquette, and a Siren when it comes to matters beyond closed doors. My seductive charm with the opposite sex revolves around the Madonna/Whore ideal and when men are faced with someone childlike enough to emanate innocence, corrupted enough to stir their loins and their imagination, nurturing enough to mother them and artistic and spiritual enough to embody their lofty ideals, they are often at a loss as to how to proceed. I have seen this in their eyes. The confusion and desire. They do not know if they want to protect me or ravage me, worship me or discard me, possess me or set me free. As if any wrong move on their part will destroy what they have cherished from afar for so long.

My rake, on the other hand, is a disappointed dreamer first and foremost. He copes with this by being an exotic fetishist but that is merely his avenue of escape. He further reinforces this with the rake persona which is, in my opinion, still half baked because he cannot bring himself to fully go all out with a woman especially since he knows how easily he crashes and burns.

Thailand and its scores of cheap pussy presented itself to him during the time when he was getting a divorce. I suspect that he gave a lot of himself into his marriage and the certainty of knowing that, despite this, it wasn't enough has stamped failure all over his romantic persona. He needed distance and objectification in order to cope. After all, what value could there be in someone/something so easily disposable and replaceable?

My analogy is this. Suppose you're a painter and you've spent a couple of years on what you thought would be your "masterpiece". You give as much of yourself into it as you could give because not only do you want your art to make a statement to the world; you also want it to be personal. It's time for your exhibit and after a harrowing experience at the hands of the critics and art patrons, it's a flop. This thing that you thought you did so well at turned out to be something that you did not know how to do at all. But what do you do when it's the only thing you know how to do for a living? You still paint. In fact, you paint more. You trivialize the effort that you've put into your masterpiece saying it was "nothing". You do it all the time anyway. It's not a big deal.

Well, that may be so except that you'd be shortchanging yourself. Will it take somebody else to get you out of that funk? Perhaps. Will that person be me? I don't know. Do I want that person to be me? The nurturer in me makes it difficult for me to turn my back on this one. But let me think about it first. I have the time.

Letters from the Marquise de Merteuil

Dark Stranger,

I apologize for writing you again especially when you told me to wait. Ever since I have come across the message boards, I have been trembling with eagerness and anticipation as if I've found myself in one of those vintage neighborhood chocolate shops where they make the chocolate taffy by the window and I want a taste of each and every delicious morsel on the display counter in front of me. I have lost sleep over it. And even if there is work to be done, articles to be submitted, I cannot think of anything else. Yes, deadlines be damned.

Yet again, I have found another obsession that consumes me. It is my weakness, I know, but the call to succumb and surrender to the chaotic and unpredictable is one that I often fail to resist especially since the rest of my wakefulness is infused with the organized, the rational, the practical and the sterile. I long for warmth, for softness, for intensity -- the heights and the depths, if you will.

So far, the only remedy I've found to these obsessions of mine was to ride it out. Get it out of my system. Indulge in it as much as I can until it no longer amuses me or it consumes be beyond redemption in which case the challenge to rise from my ashes like the Phoenix and be reborn will be another challenge that will tickle my fancy for a long time. As you can see, patience is not one of my virtues. It is an ongoing lesson for me especially since long-term seductions are now on my agenda.

The twist in the counterseduction of my rake is that he doesn't know that the pampered royal in me has found her rightful seducer. That's one thing. Despite my penchant for deliberately getting into situations that I knowingly will not take root in, I think I have found someone who will actually get me to keep still, to a point. But he's a busy man and I need a diversion.

The other thing is that I have doubts that my Rake is a worthy victim. He has succeeded in engaging my emotions, I'll give him that but rake though he may be, he has failed to engage my mind and I doubt that he's skills as a lover are such that he would be able to keep my suspension of disbelief at bay. Although making him fall for me would seem like a prize, if and when he does, what then? I already know that a shared life with him that had any semblance of the banal and the everyday would just ruin us both. We live in totally different worlds and although I could strive for that moment of perfection where east meets west and there is a blinding integration, like you said in your posts, this cannot be maintained. If ever I keep on with this, it will be purely for love of the game.

For someone who is truly seeking redemption, I am at a quandary. I know I am ruined and what I know, what I have seen, and the games that I've played will keep me from truly being swept off my feet. That is my tragedy. However, spinning little webs is second nature to me. The ultimate irony from an arachnophobe. That, on the other hand, is my challenge.

So tell me, should I go on and seek more verdant pastures? I will defer to your wisdom and experience barring any streak of stubborness that might get in the way, haha. Let me know.

M.

Deconstruction of a Rake

While I was researching on material I could use in this seduction, I came across a post of this consummate rake. He is so good at what he does that for a moment there, I got distracted and wanted to be thoroughly seduced by this guy instead just so that I could effect a counterseduction. Naughty, naughty. One at a time, greedy girl.

I got in touch with him, and asked him if he could be my Valmont in what I am trying to accomplish. He seemed receptive. I just hope he'll be amenable to being my co-conspirator on this one.

Onto the Seduction of FB...

Today was another step forward. He told me about the Thai girls he fucked and how he liked new pussy every time. Every girl he's been with has left him simply because they couldn't take him fucking other girls. So I reminded him about how I was different from the other girls. I told him I liked him fucking other girls as long as I knew about it. This seemed to draw him out and after clarifying the fine print in our "arrangement" he even volunteered to show me pics of the girls he fucked while on vacation. He even showed me a pic of that "special girl" that he fucked the most.

I was bracing myself for the green monster but I think I internalized the role I was playing so much that I didn't have to put much effort. For one thing, my initial reaction wasn't jealousy. I was more horrified than jealous. The girls he'd been fucking looked like your basic Thai street whore and I can tell you right now that I am waaaaayyyy out of that league. I nearly abandoned this endeavor when I saw those pics. And when I told him that he could go fuck as much Thai pussy as he liked (which seemed to make him happy), I actually meant it. In this chase, his cock is definitely not the prize.

Still and all, I think it is progress that no matter where this lone wolf wanders, he is learning to come back to me. Training will continue. On the other hand, I'm meeting a potential regular fuck tonight with FB's blessings. We'll see how that goes.