I'm in a pretty foul mood today and I bet that my blood pressure has risen to the roof. Proximate cause of this occurence was that fucking dog that I had to walk this morning. I won't mince words now. I hate that dog. I have no idea why my uncle and everyone else in this house loves that dog which is just big, lazy and utterly useless. I hate walking that dog. She stops at each and every house and refuses to be led by leash. Again, I cannot say it enough. I hate that dog. She hovers around the dinner table waiting for scraps and doesn't know how to leave when you tell her. I cannot stand dull dumb dogs. Especially since mine is so lithe and smart and small.
Then there was the thing with the dishes. Anyone who knows me will know that washing dishes is the chore that I hate the most. I will wash the dishes when I am the designated dishwasher but when I'm not, I hate being the fall gal for unwashed dishes in the sink.
Of course, there's also the fact that I called D today and he hasn't returned my call. I haven't heard from him in five days. I should let that go. Somehow, I am just incredulous that he would go through all that and just leave like the wind. There were so many things that he said and he did that he needn't have done if all he wanted was just a fuck. Besides, there were other prey out there if he just wanted to hone his predatory instincts. Ignominy would be the aggravating circumstance there. Still, I'm not bugging him. I don't want to waste time pursuing him if he doesn't want to pursue me. Wasn't it he who said that you should grab the bull by the horns and not let it go once the opportunity is in front of you? Well, I've been "in front of him" so to speak and since he hasn't grabbed me (much less my horns), that would be a big indication.
Then again, I'm just in a foul mood. I didn't sleep well. And that dog got me to the end of my rope. I was sorely tempted to kick it during our walk. So I realized that I don't love all dogs. Just mine.
For all other things, the answer is 42.
Saturday, December 23, 2006
Friday, December 15, 2006
Crashing
Quite a bit melancholic today. Haven't heard from "him" and the paranoia is sinking in. After my high of the last couple of days, I feel like the meds are wearing off and I'm crashing.
I could be a mild adrenalin junkie of sorts. I deliberately look for situations that give me those "highs" and then when the "lows" set in, I make a mad dash for the nearest friend to reassure me that my life is still exciting and that there will be days that are less dull than these.
The thing that leaves me vulnerable in my encounter with him is that the whole thing was set from a different platform. If we were both clear from the very beginning that sex was the currency we were dealing with, I would have handled myself much better. He didn't have to wine and dine me and treat me really nice for me to put out. Like I said, I like sex for what it is. I don't need to be persuaded much to appreciate the recreational aspect of it. Yes, I must have been a dolphin in my past life.
Of course, I am giving him the benefit of the doubt. For one thing, he took too much trouble just to get into my panties. I could argue that but he's the type of man who is at a station in life when he can play with his prey no matter how much it cost. Still and all, I'm letting this settle for a few days. My only concern is that I don't have much time left here and I would like to know what to do with myself. The good thing though is that I haven't been horny at all since I've been with him. I don't feel the need to venture out. Maybe it's the cold. Suddenly, there is some sense in why bears hibernate in the winter.
I could be a mild adrenalin junkie of sorts. I deliberately look for situations that give me those "highs" and then when the "lows" set in, I make a mad dash for the nearest friend to reassure me that my life is still exciting and that there will be days that are less dull than these.
The thing that leaves me vulnerable in my encounter with him is that the whole thing was set from a different platform. If we were both clear from the very beginning that sex was the currency we were dealing with, I would have handled myself much better. He didn't have to wine and dine me and treat me really nice for me to put out. Like I said, I like sex for what it is. I don't need to be persuaded much to appreciate the recreational aspect of it. Yes, I must have been a dolphin in my past life.
Of course, I am giving him the benefit of the doubt. For one thing, he took too much trouble just to get into my panties. I could argue that but he's the type of man who is at a station in life when he can play with his prey no matter how much it cost. Still and all, I'm letting this settle for a few days. My only concern is that I don't have much time left here and I would like to know what to do with myself. The good thing though is that I haven't been horny at all since I've been with him. I don't feel the need to venture out. Maybe it's the cold. Suddenly, there is some sense in why bears hibernate in the winter.
Mistaken Identity
I forgot to tell you that when I was out with "him", I had the urge to light up a cigarette since I hadn't had one in about 16 hours and the last 7 minutes of the Monday Night Football game had ceased to be interesting enough since the Bears had enough points to run off with the game ball.
I went outside the Sports Bar and lit up. Ahhh, nothing beats inhaling polluted air, haha. Anyway, not five minutes into my ritual this utterly gorgeous dark haired man approaches me and asks me if he could speak with me. Now, I am naturally suspicious of strangers who just come up to me ever since I got assaulted with a 12-inch icepick in the parking lot last year so I was backing away while he was speaking to me and making sure that I was in front of the Hyatt's parking lot where the bellboy would be able to see me should things take a different turn.
Gorgeous guy continues to speak to me. Next thing he says is this: "I was wondering if you would be able to spend some time with me in my hotel room." EXCUSE ME??!!?? Was I being mistaken for a hooker??? I immediately dispelled his notion and told him that I was with someone and I had just stepped outside to smoke. Gorgeous guy then turns into embarassed guy and walks away.
First thought that came into my mind was what in the world was he doing looking for company when he didn't look like someone who did? Those looks would get him dates left and right. If he's having trouble finding dates then we're all in trouble.
Second thought was that I should have asked him what was it in me that he had mistaken me for a hooker. For one thing, I was dressed appropriately that night. Nothing revealing, nothing remotely slutty in the least. I was even bundled up in a jacket and barely had any make up on. Now that I think about it, it was probably my stiletto heels. I had these purple snakeskin BCBG stilettos that I just love because they're soooo sexy. Apparently, it wasn't only me who found them so.
I don't know whether I should feel insulted (being mistaken for a hooker) or flattered (getting attention from gorgeous guy). Hmmm.
I went outside the Sports Bar and lit up. Ahhh, nothing beats inhaling polluted air, haha. Anyway, not five minutes into my ritual this utterly gorgeous dark haired man approaches me and asks me if he could speak with me. Now, I am naturally suspicious of strangers who just come up to me ever since I got assaulted with a 12-inch icepick in the parking lot last year so I was backing away while he was speaking to me and making sure that I was in front of the Hyatt's parking lot where the bellboy would be able to see me should things take a different turn.
Gorgeous guy continues to speak to me. Next thing he says is this: "I was wondering if you would be able to spend some time with me in my hotel room." EXCUSE ME??!!?? Was I being mistaken for a hooker??? I immediately dispelled his notion and told him that I was with someone and I had just stepped outside to smoke. Gorgeous guy then turns into embarassed guy and walks away.
First thought that came into my mind was what in the world was he doing looking for company when he didn't look like someone who did? Those looks would get him dates left and right. If he's having trouble finding dates then we're all in trouble.
Second thought was that I should have asked him what was it in me that he had mistaken me for a hooker. For one thing, I was dressed appropriately that night. Nothing revealing, nothing remotely slutty in the least. I was even bundled up in a jacket and barely had any make up on. Now that I think about it, it was probably my stiletto heels. I had these purple snakeskin BCBG stilettos that I just love because they're soooo sexy. Apparently, it wasn't only me who found them so.
I don't know whether I should feel insulted (being mistaken for a hooker) or flattered (getting attention from gorgeous guy). Hmmm.
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
Square Pegs
The past couple of days, I have been in awe of how easy it is to be with "him". And I'm not talking about FB either. Somehow, my ship zipped through the Twilight Zone and my whole world did a 180 degree turn. I've always thought that love was supposed to be easy. It shouldn't be tragic and shouldn't make one miserable and after trying to fit square pegs in round holes, you kind of know when you have a round peg already.
Here's the thing. If I hied myself off to San Francisco to spend two days with a strange man, even I would consider myself crazy but with "him", it just seems right. For the first time in my life, I actually spent a night with another man. Not just a couple of hours but the entire night and the rest of the morning and guess what? I'm not flinching. I'm not getting flaky. I'm not nervous. I just feel like I'm in the right place at the right time with the right person.
It was just the second time that I've seen him in person and it seems like I've known him for a lifetime. When he picked me up at the Amtrak station, I felt like my husband was picking me up. We had breakfast somewhere near little Italy and he had salmon, crepes and creme cheese on a bagel while I had a waffle with cheese and bacon. (Yeah, I forgot the name of the place. We were supposed to eat at Mama's but is was closed).
In a nutshell, we went to visit a couple of churches (Grace Cathedral, Mary the Assumption Cathedral, one more church), Coit's Point, Conservatory of Flowers, Japanese Tea Garden and I forgot where else we went. We stayed at the Holiday Inn near Fisherman's Wharf (room 423). Had dinner at Knuckles Sports Bar at the Hyatt while watching Monday Night Football (yes, thanks to him, I can sort of understand what the pigskin is for) and spent the night together.
As far as the sex is concerned, it was great and I refuse to do a comparative review with FB. As far as the other things are concerned, I am still increduluous. I just feel like a fish who's found water when all this time the fish was trying to ride a bicycle, you get what I mean? This guy is just amazing! He's charming, witty, considerate, smart, kind, gentle, able-bodied and good looking. Oh, he's got a personality too and by that I mean that he's not dull and gentlemanly, he's dashing and mischievous and gentlemanly at the same time.
I was looking through his stuff and he was wearing Kenneth Cole shoes, CK Jeans, Polo Ralph Lauren briefs, Banana Republic Sweater, Dolce & Gabbana polo shirt and his toiletries were Marc Jacobs -- love the scent of it, btw. For a while, I had this paranoid thought that he might be gay and that I was being set up as part of a conventional front in Florida while he and his lover stayed in San Francisco. Then again, I remembered everything else he said and did and his res gestae comments and quickly attributed his designer brand choices to a good sense of taste. Nevertheless, even if he did turn out to be gay (which I hope he's not) and he does have a lover stashed away, that just means that I would be free to cavort with FB who has promised to be around as long as I wished him to. See? So it does work out whatever the scenario.
Okay, final thought on that issue --> HE IS NOT GAY. I don't even know why I'm thinking of this when I used to mentally critique FB's fashion choices. "Champion" undies really don't turn me on.
The thing that he brought up early on in this trip that caught me by surprise (but of course, I didn't show it) was that he asked if a week in Manila would be enough for my parents to get to know him. He asked me how long would it take for me to wrap things up as soon as I got home and I told him that it would take me a month. He said that that was just about right.
Hmm...so he plans to present himself and talk to my parents about it. Sounds good to me.
Here's the thing. If I hied myself off to San Francisco to spend two days with a strange man, even I would consider myself crazy but with "him", it just seems right. For the first time in my life, I actually spent a night with another man. Not just a couple of hours but the entire night and the rest of the morning and guess what? I'm not flinching. I'm not getting flaky. I'm not nervous. I just feel like I'm in the right place at the right time with the right person.
It was just the second time that I've seen him in person and it seems like I've known him for a lifetime. When he picked me up at the Amtrak station, I felt like my husband was picking me up. We had breakfast somewhere near little Italy and he had salmon, crepes and creme cheese on a bagel while I had a waffle with cheese and bacon. (Yeah, I forgot the name of the place. We were supposed to eat at Mama's but is was closed).
In a nutshell, we went to visit a couple of churches (Grace Cathedral, Mary the Assumption Cathedral, one more church), Coit's Point, Conservatory of Flowers, Japanese Tea Garden and I forgot where else we went. We stayed at the Holiday Inn near Fisherman's Wharf (room 423). Had dinner at Knuckles Sports Bar at the Hyatt while watching Monday Night Football (yes, thanks to him, I can sort of understand what the pigskin is for) and spent the night together.
As far as the sex is concerned, it was great and I refuse to do a comparative review with FB. As far as the other things are concerned, I am still increduluous. I just feel like a fish who's found water when all this time the fish was trying to ride a bicycle, you get what I mean? This guy is just amazing! He's charming, witty, considerate, smart, kind, gentle, able-bodied and good looking. Oh, he's got a personality too and by that I mean that he's not dull and gentlemanly, he's dashing and mischievous and gentlemanly at the same time.
I was looking through his stuff and he was wearing Kenneth Cole shoes, CK Jeans, Polo Ralph Lauren briefs, Banana Republic Sweater, Dolce & Gabbana polo shirt and his toiletries were Marc Jacobs -- love the scent of it, btw. For a while, I had this paranoid thought that he might be gay and that I was being set up as part of a conventional front in Florida while he and his lover stayed in San Francisco. Then again, I remembered everything else he said and did and his res gestae comments and quickly attributed his designer brand choices to a good sense of taste. Nevertheless, even if he did turn out to be gay (which I hope he's not) and he does have a lover stashed away, that just means that I would be free to cavort with FB who has promised to be around as long as I wished him to. See? So it does work out whatever the scenario.
Okay, final thought on that issue --> HE IS NOT GAY. I don't even know why I'm thinking of this when I used to mentally critique FB's fashion choices. "Champion" undies really don't turn me on.
The thing that he brought up early on in this trip that caught me by surprise (but of course, I didn't show it) was that he asked if a week in Manila would be enough for my parents to get to know him. He asked me how long would it take for me to wrap things up as soon as I got home and I told him that it would take me a month. He said that that was just about right.
Hmm...so he plans to present himself and talk to my parents about it. Sounds good to me.
Thursday, December 07, 2006
Three's Company
The Cheshire cat grin I'm sporting right now is because I have officially just been initiated into the pleasures of a threesome. Oh, a menage a trois would be right up my alley when it comes to romantic matters but in the sexual arena, I'm practically a virgin.
FB and his BFF. Wonderful. And to add to the kink, I was blindfolded too. I hadn't met BFF before so it was only when the whole thing was over and the blindfold came off that I met him face to face.
Seriously, it was surreal. Like a page taken out of a porn movie script. I gave FB a blowjob while BFF was eating me. Fucking doggie style while sucking cock. BFF's cock was waaaayyyy too tiny to satisfy me though and, of course, I just love FB's cock and his cum will always taste way better than any other lover.
Apparently, there were a few things I learned about me too simply by overhearing both of them "review" me as it was going on. The both of them kept raving at my 5 star blowjob. BFF said that FB trained me well, haha. They said that my pussy was hot; that I had nice breasts (this was a surprise to me, believe me); that I squirted really good; that I had really soft skin (this was a surprise to me as well); and, basically, that I was hot in general.
FB said that I should take it as a compliment that I made BFF cum twice in quick succession. Hmmmm. Okay. My talents in the bedroom have been validated now. Let's just call BFF quality assurance, haha.
What I liked about the whole thing though was how FB and I were interacting. I hadn't seen him in two weeks (Thanksgiving week and the week after when I got my period) and as usual, he looked gorgeous when he picked me up. It was sweet really. Right before BFF came, we were hugging each other and kissing. He was reassuring me and telling me not to be nervous. Then when I took the blindfold off. We were just hugging each other again in front of BFF. This has been, by far, our most affectionate time together yet. It's ironic that the kinkier we get, the more affectionate we become.
I did tell FB about my prospect and that's the thing that I like about him, really. I can tell him anything at all. He said that we would still meet up and that he's going to be there for me.
Sweet.
FB and his BFF. Wonderful. And to add to the kink, I was blindfolded too. I hadn't met BFF before so it was only when the whole thing was over and the blindfold came off that I met him face to face.
Seriously, it was surreal. Like a page taken out of a porn movie script. I gave FB a blowjob while BFF was eating me. Fucking doggie style while sucking cock. BFF's cock was waaaayyyy too tiny to satisfy me though and, of course, I just love FB's cock and his cum will always taste way better than any other lover.
Apparently, there were a few things I learned about me too simply by overhearing both of them "review" me as it was going on. The both of them kept raving at my 5 star blowjob. BFF said that FB trained me well, haha. They said that my pussy was hot; that I had nice breasts (this was a surprise to me, believe me); that I squirted really good; that I had really soft skin (this was a surprise to me as well); and, basically, that I was hot in general.
FB said that I should take it as a compliment that I made BFF cum twice in quick succession. Hmmmm. Okay. My talents in the bedroom have been validated now. Let's just call BFF quality assurance, haha.
What I liked about the whole thing though was how FB and I were interacting. I hadn't seen him in two weeks (Thanksgiving week and the week after when I got my period) and as usual, he looked gorgeous when he picked me up. It was sweet really. Right before BFF came, we were hugging each other and kissing. He was reassuring me and telling me not to be nervous. Then when I took the blindfold off. We were just hugging each other again in front of BFF. This has been, by far, our most affectionate time together yet. It's ironic that the kinkier we get, the more affectionate we become.
I did tell FB about my prospect and that's the thing that I like about him, really. I can tell him anything at all. He said that we would still meet up and that he's going to be there for me.
Sweet.
Monday, December 04, 2006
Being His Girl and Not
Sometimes, I feel like we're a couple, albeit an unconventional one. I'm his girl, I've no doubts about that and he reminds me of it every so often. There are times though that even though he refuses to be called a "boyfriend" that we seem to act like it. Like today, we had an LQ because I hadn't seen him in two weeks, we were supposed to be together this afternoon and he had to cancel because his second job had demands on him. I was sooooo disappointed, I ended up crying and we had to do that whole "do you understand where I'm coming from?" dance.
Well, of course, I understand but like I said, he can't tell me not to be disappointed because I am. Besides, he needs that second job because as he says, it's going to pay him a shitload of money. He could even take a year's sabbatical if he wanted to.
Anyway, I told him about developments in the ad that I posted. He still maintains that I won't get what I want in that kind of relationship and that our relationship is perfect for me because of two reasons: One, he's not a jealous guy so he allows me to fuck other guys; and, two, he doesn't fuck any other girls because he's quite happy to hear my stories which also works for me because I will not tolerate him being with other girls.
I told him that although that's one of the things I want, there are other things that I want such as love, marriage and being with a man who loves me. If my husband won't allow me to play around, I could give up playing around since I'm getting so much more in return.
Well, we tossed this idea around a bit and he ended up saying that if I got married, he'd email me six months after my honeymoon to see if I was happy where I was. He said that maybe we should see each other at least once a year, he'd fly over to wherever I was and we'd just fuck each other the entire weekend. I said that I would take his word for it. Ha ha. Boy am I looking forward to that. He thinks that marriage and the whole white picket fence thing will water down my sexual drive. Umm, I don't think so but we'll see, shan't we?
Well, of course, I understand but like I said, he can't tell me not to be disappointed because I am. Besides, he needs that second job because as he says, it's going to pay him a shitload of money. He could even take a year's sabbatical if he wanted to.
Anyway, I told him about developments in the ad that I posted. He still maintains that I won't get what I want in that kind of relationship and that our relationship is perfect for me because of two reasons: One, he's not a jealous guy so he allows me to fuck other guys; and, two, he doesn't fuck any other girls because he's quite happy to hear my stories which also works for me because I will not tolerate him being with other girls.
I told him that although that's one of the things I want, there are other things that I want such as love, marriage and being with a man who loves me. If my husband won't allow me to play around, I could give up playing around since I'm getting so much more in return.
Well, we tossed this idea around a bit and he ended up saying that if I got married, he'd email me six months after my honeymoon to see if I was happy where I was. He said that maybe we should see each other at least once a year, he'd fly over to wherever I was and we'd just fuck each other the entire weekend. I said that I would take his word for it. Ha ha. Boy am I looking forward to that. He thinks that marriage and the whole white picket fence thing will water down my sexual drive. Umm, I don't think so but we'll see, shan't we?
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