Crashing

Quite a bit melancholic today. Haven't heard from "him" and the paranoia is sinking in. After my high of the last couple of days, I feel like the meds are wearing off and I'm crashing.

I could be a mild adrenalin junkie of sorts. I deliberately look for situations that give me those "highs" and then when the "lows" set in, I make a mad dash for the nearest friend to reassure me that my life is still exciting and that there will be days that are less dull than these.

The thing that leaves me vulnerable in my encounter with him is that the whole thing was set from a different platform. If we were both clear from the very beginning that sex was the currency we were dealing with, I would have handled myself much better. He didn't have to wine and dine me and treat me really nice for me to put out. Like I said, I like sex for what it is. I don't need to be persuaded much to appreciate the recreational aspect of it. Yes, I must have been a dolphin in my past life.

Of course, I am giving him the benefit of the doubt. For one thing, he took too much trouble just to get into my panties. I could argue that but he's the type of man who is at a station in life when he can play with his prey no matter how much it cost. Still and all, I'm letting this settle for a few days. My only concern is that I don't have much time left here and I would like to know what to do with myself. The good thing though is that I haven't been horny at all since I've been with him. I don't feel the need to venture out. Maybe it's the cold. Suddenly, there is some sense in why bears hibernate in the winter.