Profiling

Very enlightening day, really. I have a new friend I am in a "chat-ship" with (he coined the term, the word was alien to me before this) and in the process of getting-to-know you, I was trying to explain how my relationship with my dad affected my present relationships.

He kept on saying that I would eventually want someone who was like my dad. I said, I hardly like my dad, why would I want to end up with someone like him?

Well, the conversation went this way and that and while I was having a marathon session of Criminal Minds on DVD, I looked at the guy I was most attracted to and cross referenced that with characteristics of my dad. Very interesting findings. Of course, lover was my primary subject. And on the outset, he would seem like the total opposite of my dad but the fundamentals were pretty much the same.

• With PK, I never know if he loves me at all.
• With PK, I have no assurances that I am enough.
• With PK, he wants me to follow him without question.
• With PK, he just wants me to be there, present, even if he does not have plans for/about me.
• Just like my dad, PK has no concept of time and no respect for my time or anybody else's time. He does what he wants and expects everyone else to adjust.
• Just like my dad, PK expects you to be happy with what you give him. No whining. No complaining or it will be construed as a lack of trust.
• Just like my dad, he likes orderly surroundings
• Just like my dad, he always wants me to remember my place (which is below him). IOW, he demands deference.
• Just like my dad, he is addicted to approval of others. Except that with my dad, it was public appreciation and adulation. With PK, he needs other women to worship his cock.
• Here's the kicker though -- he is just as selfish as my dad.

This different perspective on PK is certainly an eye opener. If he's like my dad, and I don't have a good relationship with my dad, this really won't work out between us. So given my seduction goal, I have to do a bit of profiling. My dad's favorite daughter is my third sister. Of course, his relationship with my mom plays in this also.

As for my sister, she's the only one that my dad can really talk to (well, before she got really pissed off at him). She's obedient. She defended him all the time. She supported whatever he did. She was malambing to him, always asking permission and approval. This compared to me who has always been at loggerheads with my dad. (I won't do what he asks simply because he asked me to).

As for my mom, she always listens to him and does not put him down. She has everything prepared for him, making sure that he comes home to something nice. She doesn't contradict him but just accepts what he says but remedies it later on by scheming that is unknown to my dad.

So how is this information going to be useful for me? Notes to self:

• be available whenever he needs me. And this means not taking it personally whenever he disappears. I just have to be there when he's there.
• do not talk about other guys. he is the ONLY guy. (well, at least do not talk about your feelings with other guys, just relate the fuck sessions i have with other guys because he asked me to)
• do not question what he wants for me. TRUST HIM.
• do not question what he is doing outside the time he spends with me. He will find his way back.
• be happy with whatever he gives you. do not complain or ask for more. Just be appreciative and grateful
• since he is like my dad, do not expect him to come running after me. Just take initiative all the time. He will like that.
• since he is like my dad, I should not expect him to be maasikaso or thoughtful or romantic (heck, my dad forgets my mom's bday sometimes) but I shouldn't construe that as he doesn't love me or isn't proud of me (I remember when I passed the bar, I totally forgot he was connect with the SC and he got the results ahead of time). He probably won't let me know directly but will talk to others about me.
• I should be submissive. And obedient. And just shut up sometimes like my mom tells me to. Just agree with him all the time.
• Never embarass him or put him down in front of other people. IOW, think the best of him all the time.
• I can do what I want until he states a preference because his preference becomes mine.
• LOYALTY is highly valued.
• DO NOT BE DEFENSIVE.

Okay. That's it for now.