E is a big black guy with a hooked cock. His living situation is a bit compromised so we had to get a room in a Motel so we could fool around. He's a really nice guy but is not too well off. He's a fine man though and has been treating me well.
I got eaten really good and the bed was soaked. He licked me in all the right places and that was fun. He found out I was a lot ticklish and I loved it when he licked my ears, my nape, my back, that little spot near my hip close to my groin. It was a primal fuck. Lots of growling, biting and screaming (on my part). He even carried me so that my legs were wrapped around his waist. Until today, I thought that would be a physical impossibility, haha.
There were times when I couldn't take it anymore but he locked his head in between my legs and held my hands down so I couldn't push him away. When it was time for him to penetrate me, he teased by getting his cock in me inch by inch. His cock was really big and thick. Consider the fact that I'm naturally tight and you can imagine how that felt. Then when I was close, he pulled out and I had to beg him to get back inside me again. He told me he wouldn't until I behaved. Finally, he gave in and that was that. He wanted me to cum without holding anything back. He thought I did. He said, "now, that's what I was looking for."
Well, I faked it. I don't know what's wrong with me but I can't seem to connect with anyone at all. I know I cum with my vibe. There are times when I cum with FB but I think that was only one time. I just can't seem to cum while doing the deed. Will it be different if I were doing it with someone I had feelings for which were reciprocated? God, I hope so.
My conclusions:
- Sex is just sex. I could continue doing this to satisfy my needs but then again, my vibrator would do the trick just as well.
- I am a squirter. Definitely. Lots of it too. I found out from E that not all women squirt even if their pussy gets eaten the same way.
- Cumming too much gives me a headache.
- I am a cold, unfeeling bitch.
- Men have much more fragile hearts than women (i got this from wholesome conversation with E).
- I don't like sneaking off to have sex in motels. It makes me feel cheap.
Let me end with this refrain again: Sex is just sex. I don't know why people all over the world are obsessed with it and I wonder even more how those people can sustain that obsession. I think it's because I'm more cerebral than most. Cerebral and disconnected. That's why I got into this social experiment in the first place. I knew I needed to connect. I didn't know how. I thought sharing myself intimately with others would help me with it or at least jumpstart it. That's not working. I guess I need someone who cares enough for me to shake me awake. Maybe then I'll believe him.
FB said that he's my partner in the here and now. He seems constantly on the lookout for my next serious relationship to the point that it is starting to get offensive. Why is he in such a hurry to pack me off? Then there are also a lot of friends who caution me not to fall for the guy. Even FB cautions me that we wouldn't work out together. Well, okay then. I don't think that would be such a problem though since my main issue is intimacy. I just don't know how to give myself to someone else wholly, without holding back. Now, I don't know how to make that right.
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