Thar She Blows

Finally, I asked the question. I asked him if he still wanted me and now, all I have to do is wait for his reply if that's coming at all.

That I asked doesn't mean that my feelings for him have been revived. I'm on autopilot right now as far as my feelings concerned and when that mode's on, I'm on the I don't want you if you don't want me track. Only because I'm all too familiar with the sting of rejection. Sometimes I'm on the receiving end. Other times, I'm the one who dishes it out.

In the midst of all this confusion with PK, I've had a persistent suitor whom I've had to turn down yesterday. He was nice and the attention he gave me was flattering. I'm just wondering why I can't get to like someone who likes me back in turn. It's always star crossed, missing the mark, or some bizarre love triangle. And despite the attention, you're really nowhere near happy if the person who's giving the attention isn't someone who does make you feel happy. It's like eating food when you don't have the appetite for it.

I'm hoping for the best and bracing myself for the worst in terms of a response. My goal right now is to keep communication flowing. To let him know that I am still seated at the negotiating table. I am just hoping that he is also still there. I don't mind if he just wants to be friends minus our dynamic but I just need him to be around. I guess that's why I offered friendship in the first place.

I dunno. Let this simmer a bit. Oh boy.