Million Dollar Question

Today, I forgot a cardinal rule in cross-examination - never ask a question you yourself don't know the answer to.

While chatting with my FB online a couple of hours before our "session", I was foolish enough to ask him this: "Why are you shagging me? Is it just because I'm available?" Of course, my motive behind the question was to find out if he would shag the first girl in a skirt that he sees and to see if I was just a random coincidence in his life.

In fairness, he answered. He said it was because I was his FB and he selected me to be his FB. Hmmm. Vague and neutral. Brilliant, I say.

Then, what I didn't expect was to have the very same question hurled back at me. He asked me why I was fucking him. I told him that I had never thought of asking myself the same thing and that I shagged him for various different reasons. He said that that wasn't an answer and pressed me for one. I tried delaying tactics and spoke about the pleasures I would give him when we'd meet. He got distracted a bit but went back to the question and I quickly said my goodbyes and logged off.

I thought this whole conversation escaped his mind already when we met. On the drive there, he was pressing on about my secret blog (this one) instead. I didn't cave in either. I did find out though that he read some other entries in my public persona blog and I thought, "wow, this guy read what I wrote!" haha.

Anyway, after our first session and during pillow talk recess, he asked me again why I was fucking him. Of course, I still didn't have an answer. I kept on asking him, "You seriously want an answer to that one?" and he said yes. I said, "Now?" and pressured as I was to find an answer out of nowhere I think I said that ... holy crap... I forgot what I said. Oh yeah. My first answer was "companionship" and he laughed. Crap. That was as honest as I could get really. But he thought that was a bogus one so I think I said that I liked doing this with him because he was a nice guy and he didn't make me freak out. He's as laid back as I am highly strung (I think I said this in my previous blog) that he actually balances me out. Otherwise, my flight syndrome would kick in.

So... why am I shagging this stranger? Well, we take care of each other's sexual needs. He's very good looking. I like staring into his deep blue eyes. He doesn't make me feel embarassed about my body. I like exchanging energies with him. Since I'm leaving, I don't have to play games with him in the interest of time. I get massages (very good ones at that) for free. His cum tastes like star apples (one of my favorite fruit). He's smart (although there are occasional spelling hitches but that's typical with Americans). He's got a cute ass. And he's got the sort of personality that would make it possible for him to like him more.

Well, since we're on the topic, let's exhaust it even further. Why haven't I fallen for him yet? Bullet points this time.

• I've learned my lesson before (too many times before) and I'm not offering my heart to just anyone who will take it for free. It's valuable and I need to know how much it's worth to them.
• he hasn't fed me yet - food is another appetite that is very important to me. It's on the same level as sex and it's a category I assess for in the "something more" field.
• I haven't cum with him yet (again, assessing whether my needs will be met)
• he hasn't called me yet without "booty call" entering the picture

There you have it. But I have to hand it to him. I mean, I'm still around, aren't I? I still don't get it why he laughed when I said companionship. And I still don't know what answer he was expecting. What did he want me to say?