My Lover, The Stranger

I'm meeting him again tomorrow and there are butterflies in my stomach again. I was the one who called him up after the Labor Day weekend (yes, I was too impatient to wait for his call but in the interest of time, I thought I'd take initiative). That was such a big step for me since I really don't call any of the guys i'm interested in up.

We talked a bit and I found out that he read my General Patronage blog over at 360. I had an entry there wherein I outlined relationships from my perspective. I didn't say anything revealing but he was asking why I didn't write about our stuff. I told him that my relatives had access to that blog so I had another blog (this one) where all my naughty stuff could be told and I'd still have space for plausible deniability. Ha ha.

He wanted the link to this blog and, of course, I didn't give it. No way. Not when I'm analyzing whatever we have going in my head and writing things down here is helping me process the information. He asked me why I didn't want him to read it and I said that that would take all the fun out of it. He's suppose to at least half guess what I'm thinking! Ha ha.

Anyway....

I hope he never finds this blog. If you ask me why I'm still sticking around, aside from the great sex, it's curiosity really. Since he's practically a stranger to me, I have no frame of reference whatsoever on why he does what he does. What kind of man travels for four hours on a rinky dinky run down bus without airconditioning to buy wooden carving panels in a remote village in Thailand? That's the question of the hour for me. I've also been wondering why this guy's still single. I mean, he's good looking. He's a professional. He's obviously got skills in the bedroom. He's so laid back, he doesn't seem to have any issues. Then again, "seem" is the operative word. It seems so foreign to me that one would just go through life without being anxious about anything since anxiety is almost second nature to me. I can liken him to Dean but that wouldn't be on all fours since Dean lives in a remote farm and despises any form of entertainment that impinges on his solitude. (BTW, Dean hasn't spoken to me since I told him that I got my cherry popped by this guy). He must have some hang-ups or something that he's anal retentive about. The same way that I get a little crazy when the temperature drops or when there's no butter in the house or when the blow dryer conks out and I don't have a spare. There should be something at least that gets his goat. And, really, that's what I mean to ask him tomorrow if we ever do get to hook up. Come to think of it, the guy is probably as laid back as I am highly strung.

Another question festering in my mind is what the heck is he doing with me? Am I just a regular booty call? Am I something that alleviates his boredom? Am I a soothing balm to a prior relationship gone bad? Whatever the answer is, I won't take it personally but it would be nice to know what it is. The thing is, the guy has such a low freak out level that even if I did ask him these questions outright, he would probably answer them. Now, that's disconcerting to me if only because it's such a refreshing change from all the hoops you have to jump through with other guys. Then again, maybe he just doesn't care. Or maybe he's just cruising along like I am at the moment and taking in whatever life throws his way.

I don't know what the real deal is with him. He seems to cater to the WYSIWYG principle and I am just bowled over at how easy going it is when that's put into play. I'm nervous because I'm curious. Does that make any sense? I'm nervous because I don't know if this will stretch on until the time that I'm ready to go back home. I'm nervous because I'm not seeing anyone else aside from him right now and that might give me a skewed perspective.

Oh well. I'm just glad that he's laid back. It just sort of balances me out.