Strange Conversations

New twists and turns where my lover is concerned.

Here's the deal. In our quest to find the perfect participant for our little threesome, he suggested this male friend of his. I guess he didn't count on me being a bit more interested than he expected. Well, he said that the guy was pretty good looking, an economist, around his age and currently looking for a girlfriend. Loverboy doesn't want a relationship so I thought he wouldn't mind me exploring this new angle. I mean, I'm fine that he doesn't want to be my BF but just lover and friend but I should have the leeway to find what I'm looking for, right?

Well, apparently not. We got into this sticky conversation afterwards. He said that he can be a BF but he needs a girlfriend who will give him space to be the "lone wolf" kind of guy. Considering that we had that conversation when I was groggy since I just woke up, I didn't get much of it. I didn't see what the issue was, really. For one thing, I'm not pressuring him into a relationship. I know his parameters and respect them. What I don't get is why he doesn't want me to go looking for a boyfriend when he isn't ready to give me that. There's really nothing wrong with "us", although I think it's a bit of progress that he referred to us as an entity but in my book "us" is different from "me and the rest of them". Or am I being hyper-specific here?

I finally had to pass up on Mr.-yummy-economist-with-british-accent because he was obviously threatened and didn't want to let the issue die a natural death. Crap.

I did tell him that since he told me before that he wasn't looking for a relationship that I naturally excluded that possibility with him. Then now he tells me that he's not opposed to it. Seriously, I don't get it. I was fine with the parameters of this thing. It was something that happened under cover of darkness and now he's telling me that we can bring it up to the light. WTF?

Oh yeah, and I also found out that the guy read my previous ad, the one about the LTR. Why didn't he tell me that before? If there was anything in the conversation that made me iffy, despite all the serious discussion, this was it. In relationships like these, I like operating under the radar. That's what the "uncommitted" part of it is about, right? He doesn't get to weigh my potential as a long term partner because that's not on the table.

The guy was sick so we were chatting for most of the day. We finally settled on his long time friend for our kinky participant. I asked him for pictures and when he sent me some, lo and behold, my spider sense spotted a wedding ring on his finger. I almost freaked out but kept my cool. Turns out that lover has been married twice before. No kids though. No wonder he's had it with the whole marriage and romance thing. And I was thinking, is he a serial marry-er? Wouldn' t you have to be deeply in love with those people to want to marry them? I guess that's why he's so jaded. Of course, he didn't want to talk about this part of his life in detail and that's fine with me (see? I'm quite easy to talk to).

Still, bottomline is I may be tired of all the failed romances but I am definitely not yet in the jaded box. I still believe in love, you know. (playing song of the same title from "They're Playing Our Song" in my head) For one thing, I don't know how I could stand being with someone else day in and day out, compromising here and there between what he wants and what I want, without it.

I think we should stick to the sex. If he's that jaded and wants to avoid inadvertently getting into a romance, we should keep it as is - light and above the surface. Keep the three hour limit during trysts. Don't get to know me more. He'll be playing with a fire, if he doesn't and it's a flame I know how to handle. I can walk away from this unscathed but like other men before him, he may not and I don't want to break another heart.

This threesome thing is dangerous too. It's a recurring theme in my relationships. Two men, one me. It's exciting for me but sometimes it gets too serious for the men and in his case, this is his long time buddy. Dangerous ground, I tell you.